Did you ever have a friend that was or still is in a really complicated long-term relationship? You know one of those relationships where you sometimes wonder why she is still in it, because it seem to be such a struggle. Now and then you would of course also see the happiness of your friend but still that wouldn’t be enough to justify all of that pain. For you, relationships should be full of joy, not full of struggle.
You do notice that she is becoming smarter and wiser with every day. Her eyes might even shine sometimes, not out of tears, but out of clarity. But still you don’t understand why she almost seem to want to go through all of those struggles. Only for a pair of shiny eyes? Why isn’t she getting smart enough to just leave?
I have a relationship like that. I have been in it for a very long time now. It’s a complicated. Full of struggles. Sometimes I wish I could just leave it. But for some reason I stay.
My relationship is not with a person, it’s with Yoga.
I have noticed that it isn’t joy that is important to me. Joy seem to be so transient, so random, it comes and goes when it wants to. Why run after something like that? Something else than joy makes me stay in this relationship. There is a sense that every struggle seem to give so much insight into life and these life lessons have become more interesting than the pursuit of joy. I guess that’s why I am still in this relationship, because I am so curious about what I will learn next.
That is joyful.